152: Circle Back

There’s a common trope used in many children’s fables and fairy tales. I remember first being introduced to it as a kid while watching an episode of Winnie the Pooh. Now, admittedly, I don’t remember every last detail or the episode plot in its entirety, but I do remember it went a little something like this:

Pooh and Piglet wander into the Hundred Acre Wood. They are on an important mission. And as they navigate their way through, they notice a familiar-looking tree. They realize this tree is familiar because they already passed it once before. Though Pooh and Piglet are puzzled by this, they continue on. Lo and behold, they pass the same tree again. And again. Finally after this most recent visit to the tree, Piglet exclaims, “Pooh, I think we’re lost!”

In Piglet’s mind, if they were passing this same tree over and over again, they weren’t getting anywhere, weren’t making any progress, weren’t getting where they needed to go. Basically, this familiar tree indicated they were walking in circles and wasting their time.

As a kid, this was a helpful lesson. If you’re trying to navigate, it’s wise to avoid passing the same landmark twice. Even now as an adult, it makes very practical sense. If you’re trying to get somewhere, don’t walk in circles. I get it. It’s true.

And…

When it comes to life with God, I’m learning that circles aren’t necessarily bad or wrong. That they aren’t always a waste or even an indication we’re lost. Because our life with God isn’t really about where we’re going; it’s about who we’re becoming. And when it comes to our formation—who we’re becoming—I’m learning that circles can make all the difference. Here’s what I mean:

Generally speaking, all throughout our lives, forward progress is praised. Life is a line from point A to point B with lots of markers and milestones along the way. As we journey along, we try to avoid backsliding and dread the idea of being stuck. Our days are defined by how far we’ve come.

Now, to be fair, there is some linear language in Scripture, like path and journey and running a race. And there are times when that imagery is helpful, a true reflection of our lived experience. On its own, though, I find it’s a bit incomplete.

Because the reality is, life is often more cyclical than it is linear. It is full of seasons and circumstances we return to over and over again, whether we like it or not. Just think of our natural world—it literally moves in circles. The earth slowly spins on its axis as it rotates around the sun, and as a result, we experience the rhythm of day and night, low tide and high, winter and spring and summer and fall. Even our own internal circadian rhythms speak to the cyclical nature of our lives.

It makes sense, then, that we would experience ups and downs, highs and lows, ebbs and flows all throughout our life with God. Truly, for everything there is a season. And, when it comes to our formation and transformation—our becoming more and more like Jesus—God tends to work in circles, too.

In her book, Our Unforming, author Cindy Lee puts it this way:

Spiritual formation is not about progress but about wholeness. It values completeness over efficiency. It changes the way we relate to and interact with God. Cyclical formation offers no clear direction or measurable markers. The reason we may experience our spiritual formation as ups and downs, back and forth, highs and lows is not that we’re lost or confused in the journey but that these are the natural cycles of the spiritual life…What God is working in me is actually an ever-expanding circle.

As Cindy Lee reminds us here, our greatest and deepest growth doesn’t happen in a straight line; our souls grow like the live oak tree, in ever-expanding circles.

This is good news. Because we all experience moments when it feels like we’re walking in circles, when it feels like we’re stuck, regressing, revisiting the same circumstances over and over again. When that happens, it can be easy for shame to creep in, for our inner critic to speak up, for us to wonder why in the world this is where we’ve ended up, again.

And yet, if God works in circles, maybe we aren’t lost after all. Maybe, instead, we’re being invited to circle back. To notice and consider who we’ve become since our last time around, without any shame, trusting that God is with us and working every retraced step of the way.

What might it look like to embrace this part of our formation? What might it look like to circle back?

In my own life, the spiritual practice of circling back can be intentional and planned, like rereading the same book at the beginning of each year; writing in a one-line-a-day journal each morning and looking back at past daily entries; and meeting with a spiritual director each month, just to name a few.

Or the opportunity to circle back might catch me totally off-guard and capture my attention, like when a photo memory pops up on my phone or a song from another lifetime comes on the radio. Or when a literal invitation presents itself to step back in time.

This past December, we were in Charleston, SC for my cousin’s wedding. And it went a little something like this:

We park our car outside the large historic brick building right there on the Ashley River and head toward its entrance. We push open the heavy wooden front doors, and suddenly, it is 10 years before.

Ten years before, Brad and I were married in the same space. To be there all these years later is surreal. Before the rehearsal begins, I decide to take some time to retrace my steps. I decide to circle back.

I head to the bridal room, tucked away in a back corner of the building. I remember my grandfather coming to see me there, and waiting expectantly with my bridesmaids to walk down the aisle.

I leave the bridal room and make my way through the long dining room and out the French doors to the spot along the river where we said “I do.” I remember the moments right before, waiting with my dad at the threshold of those doors. And of course I remember locking eyes with Brad the minute I started walking toward him. I remember the faces of so many loved ones sitting in those seats, bearing witness, supporting and celebrating with us.

I head back inside and step onto the dance floor, where I’m greeted with flash backs of the fun we all had as we danced the night away.

It’s a full circle moment if there ever was one. The wall-to-wall windows, exposed brick, and cozy ambience we fell in love with back then haven’t changed a bit.

But I have.

I can’t help but think back to who I was the last time I found myself in this particular space. And as I remember her, I’m struck by the growth I notice—the pieces of me that have come to life and the parts that have faded away. The internal shifts and changes in perspective, and the bits that have stayed the same.

As I circle back, I pay attention to the person I’ve become. And I consider the person I still hope to one day be.

That’s the gift of circling back. Not to wallow or even to reminisce, but to consider who we have become along the way; to notice who we are now, this time around; and to recount the faithfulness of God every retraced step of the way.

Another way I find myself circling back is actually through this very podcast. Believe it or not, these 152 remind{h}ers span almost six years. A lot has happened in those six years, in our hearts and lives and world. And I wonder if it might be helpful and meaningful to circle back together.

So, the next five episodes will be what I’m calling Circle Back Remind{h}ers. I’ve picked five episodes that originally aired anywhere from one year ago to six years ago. At the beginning of each Circle Back Remind{h}er, I’ll share a bit about what I remember from when the episode was originally written and recorded; and then, I’ll share what the episode means to me now, this time around.

The larger invitation, of course, is for you to reflect and consider who you’ve become since the last time you listened or since the episode originally aired, if you’re a newer listener. It certainly feels like a vulnerable thing to re-air some older episodes, but I’m excited nonetheless! I hope you’ll join me.

Today, if you feel pressure to move forward, remember to circle back. To pay attention to who you once were; to notice who you are now; and to trace the faithfulness of God-with-you, over and over again.